Creating Hogwarts
by Milo Sebastian
Summary: Just a couple of one shots from when the founders were creating the school we know today.
1. Why nobody fights dragons to be sorted

Hey, this is my first founders fanfic, constructive criticism is welcome, I'm always looking to improve my writing, and at the moment it's still pretty terrible.

* * *

Rowena had decided to call a meeting of the four founders, and that was why they were now sitting in what would become the head's office, waiting for her to arrive. It was guaranteed that she would be late, a complete disregard for the laws of time meant she was always out of sync with everyone else. Which was why this meeting was being called at 3am.

And that was why Godric Gryffindor found himself staring at a picture of Medusa, rubbing his eyes and trying to work out if he was supposed to be seeing something other than a mythological character.

"Why do you want a picture of Medusa in this school? Famous people, yes, mythological characters whose hair turns people into stone, no." He muttered. It was far too early in the morning to be dealing with such trivial matters as this. But, unfortunately Rowena had not thought so.

"She'll teach people to respect wisdom."

"How?" Either his brain couldn't function this early in the morning, he was mishearing Rowena's words or Rowena had completely the wrong end of the stick, and he knew which was most likely, having been on the receiving end of many a long speech about something completely unrelated to what he was talking about.

"Athena, the goddess who cursed Medusa, was the goddess of wisdom."

"Rowena." Godric said, looking her in the eye, wondering if he was remembering the myth of Medusa correctly. "Have you even heard the myth of Medusa?"

"Of course."

"She has nothing to do with respecting wisdom."

"Yeah, but she annoyed Athena-"

"Actually it was Poseidon who made out with her in Athena's temple."

"Oh yeah. But still. Can I have this portrait? Please? It'll break up the monotony of the boring portraits of head masters and other people, by having someone interesting."

"Rowena, it is far too early to be dealing with this kind of topic. Salazar, Helga, back me up here."

"The snakes for hair are cool." Salazar muttered.

"Thanks." The portrait spoke at last.

"How did you do it? Transfiguration, or…"

"I was cursed."

Salazar nodded. A curse will do that to you."

"Salazar." Godric snapped. "Stop taking her side."

"I was only saying." He shrugged.

"Helga? What do you think?"

"I'm with Godric on this one." Helga replied. "It's a bit too… I don't know how to explain it, but just no."

"Finally. Someone who can see sense. Now that this matter is resolved, can we please get back to bed?"

"Actually Godric, there are couple of more issues we need to discuss."

"Now's not the time. Night is for sleeping. Daylight is for talking."

"What are they?" Asked Salazar.

"Not you too. Is everyone against discussing anything at a reasonable hour?" The amount of glares he received make him rethink his statement. "Alright then I'll just shut up and stay here then."

"It's not like you know anything about going to sleep at a reasonable time anyway." Salazar interjected. "The amount of times you've woken me up so we can go off gallivanting on an adventure."

"You didn't have to come along." Godric argued.

"Yeah, right." Salazar muttered sarcastically. "Of course."

"Anyway, can we get onto the topics at hand please?" Asked Helga, continuing when she received silence. "So the first topic is how we are going to sort the children into each of our houses. We've decided on the characteristics each house needs, so what kind of thing are we going to use to sort them?"

"Some kind of test?" Asked Salazar after a while. "To see-"

"How clever they are. It's going to be a minimum of two hours long and probably closer to five hours, but they're going to have to answer questions on every aspect of wizardry, and if they don't answer enough right then they aren't allowed to enter Hogwarts.

Silence ensued throughout the study.

"That's a bit harsh Rowena." Godric muttered after a while.

"They're only eleven years old. You guys have to remember that. So whatever we choose we have to make sure that it's suitable for eleven year olds."

"They have to fight a dragon."

"What part of that is suitable for eleven year olds Godric? Tell me that, please?"

"Erm…"

"Exactly." Helga snapped.

"A test that is a maximum of two hours long, but doesn't test all aspects of wizardry, only some, and the pass mark is really low."

"Rowena. No tests. These are eleven year olds. Eleven. And you are also completely excluding every single muggle born ever."

"Oh yeah…"

"Oh yeah." Snapped Helga sarcastically.

"When I said test, I meant a sort of personality test that would examine all their traits-"

"And how long would it take to complete Salazar?"

"A couple of hours, probably more." He shrugged. Helga glared at him. "I can see why you don't like that." He muttered

"Why don't we have a sorting hat!" Godric said suddenly.

Helga paused for a second. "That's actually a good idea."

Murmurs of agreement followed this from the other two, desperate to please Helga so this night could be over.

"That they have to pull a sword out of. But they can only do this if they are a true Gryffindor, and are in harm's way."

"No no no. Stop that Godric."

"So they have to be fighting a massive dragon."

"No Godric!" Helga shouted. "No fighting, no possibility of dying, no exhaustive tests Rowena, no nothing of that sort. These are eleven year old kids. Give them a break." She calmed down slightly. "You know what? Let's keep the hat idea. But they don't have to pull out a sword from it."

"Yes, that's a good idea." Rowena said.

"Salazar, what do you think?"

"Oh? It's a marvellous idea. Simply superb."

"Good. We're all agreed on this finally." Rowena, Godric and Salazar all shared a look, and waited for Helga to finish speaking. "Well, I'm going off to my dorms, by the kitchen, don't understand why you lot wanted your dorms in towers or in a dingy dungeon." She left the room and the three remaining founders breathed out a collective sigh of relief.

"Well, at least that's over." Salazar said.

"I liked the sword idea." Godric muttered. "Consequences be damned, I'm still putting a sword in that hat whether she likes it or not."

"Just don't get caught." Salazar warned him.

"I'm going to turn in, catch a few hours of shut eye." Godric said, standing up and departing.

"Of course." Salazar said. "What about you?" He asked Rowena when it was just the two of them left.

"I'm going to find a place for this where Godric and Helga aren't going to find."

He nodded. "I suggest either somewhere in your tower, or if you can't find a place I'd be willing to find a place in my dungeons."

Rowena laughed. "I'm sure I can find somewhere. I'm definitely going to be putting a sticking charm on it. I don't want anyone to be able to remove Medusa. She's one of a kind." They both looked at the portrait, which happened to be empty, the inhabitant having gone off to talk with someone.

They both paused and Rowena tilted her head. "You know that basilisk of yours."

"Should I even ask how you know about him?"

"I heard something moving around in the pipework."

Salazar nodded. "Figured it'd be something like that. You're too clever for your own good."

Rowena laughed. "I am aren't I?"

"Just watch out before Helga or Godric notice. So far they haven't, but I wouldn't put it past one of them to go snooping around."

"Thanks. Take care."

"You too."


	2. The founders' lack of musical talent

They were sitting around a rectangular table, and nobody could shake the thought from a sulking Godric that it should have been a round table. Everyone else had been against it, Helga because she thought it was ridiculous, but everyone knew it was because she wanted to have bean bags for all the students to sit in, Rowena, well on principle really, arguing that they weren't muggle knights but instead wizards and that it was just purely impractical, and then going on a rant about how the legend of king Arthur and the round table was just a story, which had started a massive argument between the two about the truth, and they still weren't talking. Salazar had gone unnoticed throughout that heated debate, and instead just magicked the tables into being rectangular, and putting a spell on them so you could change the size but not the shape. By the time Rowena and Godric realised this they had also realised how stupid their argument was, and agreed to hold different opinions, although Rowena had said that one of them was right and the other was a stupid boy, which had sparked another argument. Helga had stopped that one, and now they were all pretty much on speaking terms, which had of course led to another discussion about Hogwarts.

"We need a school song." Helga had said.

"Alright." Godric said, before pausing. "How do we create a song?"

"You need rhymes."

"Don't forget a discernible tune that is catchy and annoying."

"Yeah, but rhymes are more important. And it needs to sound good no matter what the tune it is being sung to." The last part was directed to Salazar, who had interrupted Rowena before.

He nodded, desperate not to get on the bad side of Rowena, who had sent some nasty curses his way last time he had annoyed her, and he was desperate not to do that again.

"So." Godric said, taking the lead again. "What rhymes with Hogwarts?"

Everyone looked to Rowena, who was muttering a few things under her breath, trying to see whether they rhymed or not. "Why are you all looking at me?" She snapped once she noticed their gazes.

"Because you're the one who said it needed to rhyme." Remarked Godric.

"Yeah, can't you use your brain to think of something for yourself? Oh wait. You don't have one do you? There's just empty space between your ears isn't there?"

"That's it." Helga snapped and getting in between the witch and wizard who both had their wands out, ready to duel. "Stop it. Rowena, apologise." Rowena glared at the other witch.

"Make me." She snarled.

Helga raised her wand. "Try me." She threatened.

"I'm sorry Godric." She muttered.

"Good. Godric, Rowena, sit down and start behaving like grown wizards your age."

"So does anyone have anything that rhymes with Hogwarts then?" Asked Salazar, once everything had calmed down.

"Well there's warts, thwarts, quarts, stalwarts, courts, shorts, sort and quartz."

"Is that really it?" Asked Helga in amazement.

"We should have picked a better name shouldn't we?" Godric added. He probably meant it in a helpful way, but Helga's mood was falling and it was received in a different way.

"Shut up Godric, you're not helping." She snapped.

"What about 'Hoggy warty Hogwarts."

"Salazar, we are not having 'Hoggy warty' in the song." Helga's temper was running short. This wasn't surprising really, considering that she had three stupid, crazy idiots to deal with, whose ridiculous and reckless ideas would completely change the idea of schooling for wizards and witches, but not in a good way.

"Come up with something better." He challenged.

After a few moments of hard thinking Godric clapped his hands together and spoke. "I've got the first line."

"This is going to be amazing isn't it." She muttered sarcastically, but still partly intrigued, having been unable to come up with anything better for herself.

"It is Helga, thank you for noticing." Godric said, choosing to ignore the heavy use of sarcasm in the previous statement. "Hogwarts, Hogwarts, hoggy warty Hogwarts."

"What part of I don't want 'Hoggy warty Hogwarts' in our song does nobody understand?" Helga shrieked, and was promptly ignored.

"We need to have something about education, and being taught stuff. We are a school, after all." Salazar said.

"Teach us…" Rowena muttered.

"Something." Godric joked, much to the amusement of the clearly unamused other founders.

"Nah, that's too short." He said after thinking Godric and Rowena's ideas over. "Teach us something please?"

Godric shrugged. "Good enough for me."

"Age. We need something about anyone can learn, old or young." Helga said.

"We're only going to be having students aged 11 to 18, Helga. What kind of old is that?" Salazar snapped.

"Actually, she does have a point Salazar. Anyone can learn." Rowena said dreamily, seemingly flitting in and out of the conversation and a daydream at will.

"Whether we be old or wrinkly…" Godric said, scratching his head. "Whether we be wrinkly and bald… Whether we be old and bald…"

"Whether we be old and bald is a pretty good one." Salazar pointed out. "But we need something about being young."

"What's a quality someone young has?" Asked Rowena.

"Innocence? Adorability?" Said Helga. "Because young children are cute and just so adorable."

"Hmm… They have… er… scabby knees?"

"Good enough."

Salazar thought about what he had just said for a moment. "'Whether they be wrinkly and bald… Or young and have scabby knees…' That doesn't work."

"Whether they be old and bald or young with scabby knees."

"Hey, that's not too bad Rowena. We might be getting good at this song writing lark you know? Hey Salazar, want to drop being the founders of a school for witchcraft and wizardry-"

"So that's what we're calling it now. I thought it was Hogwarts." Helga interrupted, deciding to do the wise thing and ignore Godric.

"The full title is Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry." Rowena looked up, slightly confused by the fact that two people were talking at once, and decided to do the sensible thing and not ignore Helga.

"Ok."

Godric continued, fully unaware that he had been interrupted by the two girls. "-and become musicians."

He thought about this for a second before replying "I will personally kill myself if you do that. I pity the world of music if it has to deal with your voice and your stupid idea of what constitutes lyrics to a song."

"You created some of them." He argued back.

"So?" Salazar raised an eyebrow, starting to regret his life decision of becoming a founder with this idiot.

"That means your idea of music is terrible."

"Yet I'm not the one who wishes to go into the music industry am I?"

"Anyway." Helga interjected, keen to stop the argument before the boys could argue for any longer, since if they got really stuck into something they could debate it for hours on end. "We need to come up with the rest of the lyrics."

"Oh, I know what'll sound good." Rowena said after a minutes of the other founders being unable to create any good lyrics.

"I'm almost afraid to ask." Helga said, arching an eyebrow back.

"'Just do your best, we'll do the rest, and learn until our brains all rot.' What do you think guys?"

"I knew it would be something morbid about learning." Helga said.

"It's Rowena, what do you think it's going to be about?" Salazar responded. "It's not too bad though."

"Why don't we put it at the end?" Godric asked. When nobody disagreed he continued speaking. "That's six lines of the song we've completed already. I think I deserve a break, doesn't anyone else?"

"No, Godric, we're going to stay here until we finish." Helga snapped. "This song may be terrible, but we're going to finish it because I have no intention of revisiting this song and rewriting it with you lot."

"Dead flies."

"What? Rowena, that's a stupid idea." Helga sighed.

"I want there to be something about dead flies in it." Rowena insisted firmly.

"Bits of fluff."

"Not you too Salazar."

"Dead flies and bits of fluff." He tried out. "That could work."

"No it couldn't, it's a stupid idea." Godric commented, in an unlike Godric manner.

"Something about fillings head with interesting things because they don't have anything there yet." Rowena mused.

"With interesting stuff… Dead flies and bits of fluff. Hey!" Godric said, after quickly changing his mind and deciding that dead flies and bits of fluff did have a place in the school song. "That rhymes!"

"Well done Sherlock." Rowena muttered sarcastically.

"Who's Sherlock?" He asked, and even Salazar was looking intrigued.

"I don't know, but it sounds good." Rowena replied dreamily.

"Our heads could do with being filled with interesting stuff." Godric muttered.

"No, that's too long." Salazar said. "How about… Our heads could do with filling with some interesting stuff?"

"Even I'm not grammar Nazi Rowena over there, and I know something's wrong with that sentence." Godric waved his hand in the vague direction of the person scribbling their ideas down at the moment, Helga usually being the scribe of the meetings and taking notes, but Rowena decided to do it instead this time, knowing full well that if she didn't then they'd forget about whatever they came up with and Helga would make something up instead, something more suitable for children.

"What's a grammar Nazi?" She asked, raising her head sharply.

"I don't know. It sounds good. Probably someone obsessed with following rules."

"Cool." Rowena said, nodding her head. "But we should be getting on with the song."

"You're probably right." Godric agreed. "So we need a third line for that thing. What has anyone got?"

"Our heads are bare…"

"… And full of air." Salazar finished.

"That's good. Too long though. How about if we shortened it to…"

"Our heads could do with filling with some interesting stuff, for now they're bare and full of air, dead flies and bits of fluff."

"Thanks for interrupting me Rowena."

"No problem." She said, missing the scathing glare that was sent her way because she was too busy getting ink everywhere, not just on the parchment, but also on her hands and the table she was leaning on, from the furious way and speed of which she was writing. "So, I'd say we need two more lines, and then we can just add the two last lines to the end and that's the complete house song."

"So something about teaching? I mean, that seems to be the main theme of the song." Godric suggested, actually using his brains for once.

"Wow." Rowena said in mock awe. "You managed to say something that actually makes sense. And isn't completely impractical or stupid."

"Shut up." Godric muttered.

"Teach us important stuff… teach us things worth knowing… teach us important things…" Salazar was muttering under his breath. "That's it!"

"Do I dare ask?" Muttered Helga, rolling her eyes.

"So teach us things worth knowing!"

Helga groaned. "Seriously, have none of you guys ever heard any school songs before? No? Is it just me? I guess it's just me then."

"And they're going to have forgotten all of that…" Rowena muttered.

"Bring back…"

"What we've forgotten." Salazar finished.

"Bring… back… what… we've… forgot." Rowena scribbled down, pronouncing each word as she scrawled it down on the parchment.

"What's wrong with forgotten?" Asked Helga. "At least that made some grammatical sense."

"It made too much grammatical sense." Rowena replied, looking up. "So I made sure that it didn't."

"Why?"

"Do I need a reason?"

"Yes. You do." Helga said firmly. "Otherwise it goes back to forgotten."

"Well… Because I want to?" Helga shook her head. "Because I can?" Another shake from her head left Rowena scrabbling for anything, any reason that would sound coherent enough to convince the stubborn witch. "Because… it sounds… _better_?"

"Is that a question or a statement?" Helga asked pointedly.

"It sounds better." Rowena said firmly. "Yes. That's it. Because it sounds better."

"Right, because that is a totally legitimate excuse."

"It is." Rowena missed the whole layer of sarcasm that lay buried, which was surprising, since sarcasm was her forte.

"Any other completely random and stupid ideas anyone wants to put forward?"

There was silence until it was broken. "Everyone can sing it to their own tune."

"What, no Rowena, that's a completely ridiculous idea."

"Great idea Rowena." Godric interjected.

"I know, right? Well, I mean it obviously is, since it's mine, but it would be awesome wouldn't it? Just have someone singing a light hearted tune-"

"And a melancholy funeral tune-"

"-And to the tune of whatever song is really annoying at the time-"

"-And a folk song-"

"-And the best part is we don't have to come up with a tune ourselves!" Rowena and Godric laughed, at the complete ridiculousness of the idea, and the glimmer of practicality that lay hidden in it, like crystal inside a rock.

Helga shook her head at hearing these two. "Salazar?" She asked hesitantly.

"That's a good idea actually Helga." She groaned.

"Not you too."

"Think about it. What discernible music talent does any of us have? It's much easier this way, and besides, let them have it."

"Alright, you win. Only this time though. Next item on the agenda is-"

Helga looked down at her papers, and while she was doing this Salazar mouthed the words 'You owe me one.' To Godric and Rowena, who both rolled their eyes in reluctant acknowledgment.

"-Actually I'm hungry. This meeting is adjourned."

"What, are we in law court now?" Asked Rowena sarcastically, who received a withering glare from Helga.

Helga left to go to the kitchens, and Rowena looked down at the paper in front of her, where she had written the lyrics they had come up with. "Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hoggy Warty Hogwarts,

Teach us something please,

Whether we be old and bald

Or young with scabby knees,

Our heads could do with filling

With some interesting stuff,

For now they're bare and full of air,

Dead flies and bits of fluff,

So teach us things worth knowing,

Bring back what we've forgot,

Just do your best, we'll do the rest,

And learn until our brains all rot.

N.B.-Sung with no tune."

"Meh, that's good enough." Godric shrugged.

* * *

I saw a meme somewhere, where the founders were sitting around a table, wondering what rhymed with "Hogwarts" and somehow this stemmed from there.

I don't know how.


	3. Helga owes Salazar food

I saw a meme about the founders coming up against a locked door, and somehow this was created. I don't know why and I don't know how, it just was. Happy reading.

* * *

Helga walked up to the door. What lay behind it? She hadn't seen it before, so it must be new. Something one of the other founders had added. She looked at it, and twisted the handle. It was locked, so she knocked on the door, wondering which of the other founders were in there. There was no reply.

She wondered if one of the other founders knew how to get in there, so she went to the nearest place, the common room under the lake, which in her mind was still a waste of time, magic and effort, to try and find Salazar.

She found him reading a book, and she glanced at the title as he shut the book, something about transfiguring something or other, and looked at her as he realised she had gotten into his common room. "How did you find the passageway?"

She shrugged as though it was nothing. "One of the portraits told me where it was." She admitted.

"Bloody portraits." Salazar muttered. "Well since you're here you may as well tell me whatever the hell you want me to do."

"I found a door, and I can't get in there, and you were the nearest founder who might know how to get in there."

"Have you tried using picking the lock?" He asked.

Helga shook her head. "Could you do that?"

"I'm busy."

"Reading."

"Try getting Rowena away from one of her books if she's reading something she likes." Salazar retorted.

"Fine." She said walking away. "Although," She said slyly. "I was thinking of baking later, but I guess I'll just have to share it between Godric, Rowena and myself. Or I just won't since I'll be too busy trying to get into this room."

She walked out of the room and down the corridors. 3… she began mentally counting down the seconds until she knew Salazar would come out. 2… 1…

"Fine." He said, walking after her, having just left the common room. "I'll see what I can do."

"I thought you had something to do?"

"It's not that important." He muttered, following Helga to the mysterious door. He leant down and had a look at the lock, before waving his wand. "Accio lock picking… stuff." A few minutes later he was still trying to open the door, failing in the matter marvellously.

"What you up to?" Helga turned around to see Godric looking at them with faint interest.

"Trying to get through this door."

"That's easy."

"Alright, you try it." Salazar said suddenly, standing up as he spoke, shocking the other two founders, who had all but forgotten he had been down there, attempting to pick the lock. "If it's that easy."

Godric rattled the handle, but the door was still locked and wouldn't open. "Everyone stand back." He warned, as he took a run up and attempted to kick the door down. In reality all that happened was he was hopping around clutching his other foot madly. "I swear to God." He said. "That is not a door. I don't know what it is, but that's not a door."

There was the sound of laughter and they all turned around to see Rowena doubled over, having trouble breathing. "Oh my god." She said. "I cannot… believe you lot are stupid enough to fall for that."

"Fall for what?" Salazar asked sharply.

"That's not a door. That's just a section of the wall that's had been transfigured to look like it's a door."

"What?" Demanded Godric. "And how?"

"It's easy, and besides you should have worked it out."

"How?" Asked Helga in disbelief. "How is it 'easy'?"

"Simple really. A genius prank, if I say so myself. But it shouldn't have been, really. For starters, it's on an outside wall. On the third floor. Where the hell is it going to lead apart from outside a long way up?"

"Oh yeah…" Helga said.

"So I hurt my foot for nothing then?" Godric had stopped hopping around by this time.

"Pretty much. Well, except my amusement. That's important."

"I'm going to kill you Rowena!" Godric somehow managing to speedhop over towards a laughing Rowena.

Salazar looked over at Helga. "You still owe me food."


	4. There's a reason Hogwarts is in Scotland

"Ok, so if we're going to found a magical school, we need to actually build it somewhere." Helga, ever the voice of reason stated.

"Let's build it offshore." Salazar said immediately.

"What the hell do you mean, Salazar?" Rowena asked, a hint of wonder in her eyes.

"A floating island."

"You want us to build a floating island?" Helga interjected.

"Yes." He stated.

"How?"

He brushed this off. "The how is unimportant. The fact that it moves and is not tethered anywhere is also not important-"

"Are you hearing yourself?" Helga asked. "This is ridiculous."

"-but the important thing is that it's basically unfindable."

"What do you mean?"

"No outsider will be able to find it because it changes location. Secrecy is key."

Everyone stared at Salazar.

"No student, teacher, or anyone," Helga said after a while. "Will be able to find it."

"And besides, how do you plan on transporting the students there?" Godric asked.

"I-" Salazar said before stopping immediately.

"Did not think of that?" Rowena finished his sentence. "Yes, that's obvious."

"Well, do you have a better idea?" Salazar asked pointedly.

Rowena shrugged. "No ideas for the location, but it needs to be unplotable, and hard to find, unless you are directly told where to go."

"Exactly." Salazar said.

"Well, at least let's pick somewhere beautiful and idyllic to put it." Rowena said, daydreaming off in another world.

"And remote. We do have a school full of underaged wizards, remember." The reasonable one said.

"Scotland." Salazar said. "That's remote."

"I know exactly where." Godric said, surprising everyone.

"Where?"

"Right next to this forest called the forbidden forest-"

"No Godric." Helga warned.

"But it's near a small village that will act as a place for people to apparate to, because we still need somewhere to take the students." He pleaded, with puppy dog eyes.

"Sure. That's not too bad." Helga said. "Not the worst idea you've had anyway."

"And we'll have a giant squid in the lake." He finished quickly.

"Why Godric why?" Helga said.

"But when people fall into the lake it'll help them out."

"Actually-" Helga said, for once agreeing with one of Godric's mad ideas.

"And there are mermen and mermaids in the lake. As well as centaurs in the forest."

"Shut. Up. Godric. Before you have any more stupid ideas." Helga growled.

There was silence. "Alright. So we're having this castle in Scotland. It is going to be near the forbidden forest and near this small village or whatever. And-"

"There are ghosts."

"Shut up Godric!" Helga snapped.

"And don't forget the giant squid living in the lake."

Helga sighed in resignation. "Well, before any of you can come up with anything weirder, although I don't know how you'll be able to manage that, this is final. Also, Salazar, we are not having this castle Inn Antarctica."

"Oh." Salazar said dejectedly.

* * *

Apologies that this is so short. I'll have something longer up by the end of week, I promise. Probably. Also, any ideas?

-A.H.


End file.
